Ooooooh what does that do?!

Ok, so we’ve moved to Orlando. Mary’s gone back to Sarasota to clean the apartment tomorrow and I was bummed out, missing her, and tired of packing.

I decided to take a little afternoon jaunt over to Islands of Adventure. There’s a ride there called Dudley Doright’s Ripsaw Falls. Up until today it had been one of my favorite rides in the park.

They recently overhauled the ride and put in some new seats. They are bascially covered with this rubbery foamy stuff and it makes seating……a little tighter.

I decided I wanted to ride this today and that I would see if my big butt could fit. I got into the back which looked like it had the most room and attempted to sit down. The way these boats work is that they are shaped like logs hollowed out. You sit inside this “tub” and sit astride this ridge running down the center. The seat backs basically seperate you from the person in front of you but your legs run around them.

I straddle the ridge and go to push myself into it. It’s a snug fit but I get in. I quickly check to make sure I can get out. *CHECK* no problem.

So the ride takes off and I’m enjoying myself. My legs are getting a little crampy and it’s a little hard to breathe but I’m doing fine. Well we get to the big drop at the end and I feel myself get shoved down into the seat further by centrifical force.

We get to the unload area and I attempt to get out and quickly discover….I CAN’T!!! Some water had splashed into the boat and I couldn’t get ANY traction. I’m scrambling trying to get out desperatly but my fat ass is WEDGED and it isn’t going anywhere.

I desperatly tell the ride attendant that I couldn’t get out.She stops the ride and tries to give me a hand but she’s small and there’s no way. She gets on the phone and is on it for a while. Meanwhile the boats behind me start stacking up with people waiting to get off the ride.

She comes over and assures me someone will be along to help. Meanwhile I can hear sickers from the people in the boats behind me when they realize the reason they aren’t moving is because the fat guy in front of them can’t get out.

They’ve now STOPPED the ride, and we were waiting for someone from tech services to come help. They guys finally arrive and both of them try to give me a hand by pulling me out. No good, I’m wedged tight. So finally they decide they are going to send the boat back to the maintenance area and get me out in there so that the ride can continue. I start off there and soon I’m swallowed up into the underbelly of the ride. Disassembled boats scatter the area around the little track running in there.

The tech explained that to get me out they would have to remove the seat in front of me. But before they could start they had to wait for health services to make sure I was ok. So now we have 2 techs and 2 paramedics from health services. I was fine just a bit cramped and a little panicked on how I was going to get out.

So finally the tech starts disassembling the seat. A couple of the nuts he has to remove are up near my “nuts” and so the poor guy had to put his hands all up in my business. Obviously uncomfortable, our conversation switches to “guy stuff” working on cars etc. This whole ordeal started at about 4:20pm. by the time we removed the seat (which included removing 8 bolts and cutting the rubber off the back) it was about 6pm. This poor guy was practically doing headstands to get to where he could see and remove the bolts holding the seat in.

Total time in boat: 1:45 minutes
Total techs on the scene : 5
Total techs doing work : 1
Total “other staff” on the scene : 5 (2 customer relations people, 2 paramedics and the ride attendant.)

It was my own stupid fault. None on thier end really. The customer relations people were falling all over themselves to give me something for my inconvince. I assured them there would be no lawsuit and would sign something to that effect. Overall it was an interesting situation, I got to see a part of the park that people generally don’t and I have an interesting story to tell.

Oh, and I know I need to lose some weight before attempting *THAT* again. Although the space is kinda tight and I think that skinny people might have some difficulty with it.